INTUITIVE PAINTING WITH KAYLINA MICHAELA - Kaylina's Musings

This Blog mainly chronicles some of my painting journeys over the years. Paintings and Painting Journeys are incredibly unique. There are no points of comparison!

2/17/2018

LIBERATION

I experienced the full range of human emotion in this painting journey. I remember as I surrendered to the creative process and dropped my mind’s attachment to knowing what it all meant I felt more and more delight, release and connection.

For example, at first I was hesitant to let a nail come in to my body on the cross. It felt uncomfortable and edgy and my mind objected to it but when I asked a question from the process designed to access my subconscious the nail wanted to come. I have learned enough in my journeys in process painting that when something feels edgy or wrong it is helpful to get curious about it. Often images that may not make any sense to the mind come from the subconscious to express collective or personal primordial energy that has not been allowed in the psyche.

As I let a nail come in and pierce my skin in the painting I found a sense of relief and joy. The more nails I let come in the more my body felt a release and sense of delight. Dynamic energy such as this comes into a painting to liberate us. I kind of liken it to a spiritual acupuncture treatment.

Over and over I see that by not moving away from what is uncomfortable, letting go of attachment to meaning or interpretation and letting go of trying to control the process I am freed physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually by these painting journeys. In this process the painting is just the mere echo of the embodied present moment experience of meeting the mystery in ourselves and all around us. Holding and freeing us and all the generations that have come before.

January 17th, 2018

1/17/2018

My painting process this week was very powerful. Black and red beings had come into my painting. I was in the middle of two of them in the beginning of the painting. You can't see that part because the painting is 30 feet long. At first I called them creatures of belligerence. I had been working with stuck energy in my body and I saw these creatures as familial dark energy that was in my family for generations. The painting was uncomfortable and hard to stay with. I wanted to be done many times. My teacher just kept encouraging me to paint more black and red creatures. I did not want to but I have learned to trust her direction and be curious when I want out of a painting. She asked me how many I saw and I got a sense of legions of these dark beings. I had a story going of their negativity and was feeling saddened by all the darkness. So I kept adding paper to my painting and painting more and more of them. She would not sign off that I could be finished.
Eventually they started getting bigger and bigger until one took up a whole page. This is the one that cracked something open in me. I felt such a deep sense of intimacy with this creature. It’s eyes felt so expressive and caring. My teacher said that this was the one I had been waiting for. All the story dropped and I felt a deep connection with myself, this being and all of creation. I made deeper contact by just making red dots on the creatures face. It felt like I was exploring it’s pores. I could feel it breathing through it’s skin and nose.
This creature felt and still feels so powerful. Like a fierce but incredibly loving energy. I felt so held and cared for in the contact. The last thing I painted on him were little like red and gold hairs coming out of his pores. I felt the movement and aliveness of them. It felt like true power- a good and loving power. I could feel it awakening so much in me. I was painting me. The creature and I were at one. The creature feels so powerful because it is does not have to hold back it’s power. I had this refreshing sense that all of it was allowed. It is so big and black and red and gold. The words right use of power kept coming to me.

Bella Love and the PAINTING Process

12/20/2017

This painting was done just after my beloved dog Bella's euthanization on June 2, 2017. It was an emotional, tender and meaningful time. It was so helpful to paint her that day. I painted myself with an emphasis on my heart and then she came in with her wet nose resting on my shoulder and her little paws rapped around me. I felt so much joy in painting her. I felt deeply connected in the painting and could feel her love for me. It was pure bliss. I had a sense that she really had not gone anywhere that her spirit was still right here with me.

I am continually amazed at how the simple act of painting can intimately connect me to myself and the greater whole. I have found that creativity used for self -discovery is a true path to awakening. In this process one learns to move from the intuition and what feels alive in the body, to let go of attachment to product, meaning and control and to fall in love with exploring and inventing. It accesses the subconscious easily and one learns to trust the images and impulses that come which often lead to profound insight. I look at creativity (for process not product) like a rotor rooter cleaning out our human pipeline. It opens the heart, cleanses the soul and always takes one where they are not free in the psyche. Often when a painter has a blissful opening then they will meet something very uncomfortable that they want to pull away from by painting over or even ripping up the painting. Through the process of staying with what is uncomfortable and accepting what is without trying to paint over it a healing occurs, feelings are felt and energy is met.
I have personally met so many exiled parts of myself through this painting process. I think of it as a path to freedom. The intimacy I have felt with myself and all of creation has been exquisite. The ability for the process to alleviate physical pain in my body has amazed me also. The process gives me an opportunity to meet myself just where I’m at without resistance. Every human energy can be expressed through color, image, intention, etc. in the work.

The Feminine Face of God-- Sophia

4/6/2017

I had such a beautiful journey with this one. These paintings come not from the planning mind but from the surprise and surrender into the present moment.
This is part of 6 foot tall painting of me with God who turned out to be a black woman named Sophia behind me. I felt so connected and held by her. Sticking with it and going deeper and deeper into the experience was a precious gift and delight. I felt so loved and loving. Painting opens the heart and cleanses the soul of any judgements that may be in the way of experiencing the truth of love.
I bow to this process.

AWAKENING, TOLORATING AND ENJOYING THE INNER FIRE

7/14/2016

Fire came into my painting and took over yesterday. It started in my belly in the painting. I watched my mind get a little worried and scared. I dropped the thoughts and just surrendered to the experience. It felt so exciting and purifying. I thought it might totally obliterate my face and body but it left a little of me.

Feeling supported by our Ancestors here and gone through painting

6/19/2016

During my 7 day painting retreat with my teacher in California this year creativity had me exploring familial relationships both with those living and those on the other side. This is me, my grandmother, mother and you can't see them but also my grandfather and biological father (whom I've never met) are all in this painting. Since I was able to move from something bigger than my small mind's preferences through this process I was able to be with what was very uncomfortable, eventually drop story and access the love that is eternal and underneath all of our human personalities and defense mechanisms. Painting from something bigger opens so much room to explore. Without this process I would have never wanted to paint certain family members. There were very uncomfortable moments in this painting but I felt them and kept going. Creativity is a roter rooter taking us to the places that are shut down inside of us and if we just keep painting we get cleansed out and opened. It is like just saying yes to what it is. The uncomfortable bits are always temporary and after every contraction in life is an equal expansion. It is only avoidance of what is uncomfortable that we create suffering. When we can bring it close and be intimate with it we are free.

Accessing LOVE And Preciousness Through spontaneous painting

3/16/2016

This recent painting journey (which is still in progress) has already integrated so much in me because I have been able to step out of the drivers seat of judgement and preference and let something bigger and more true move through me. It has enabled me to be with what I had been unconsciously judging and pushing away. The delight in meeting what had been unmet is too exquisite for words. I feel as if I am making contact with something so precious inside of me. It is like being held in God's hands.

ANCHORED IN THE UNKNOWN

2/10/2016

Patty's Dragonfly Exploration
Spontaneous Painting invites us to step outside of everything we think we know and move with courage into the unknown of the blank canvas. The magic of life is not in what we know but in the unconditioned unknown places of exploration and possibility. We begin to access the innocence and wonder of a child. We give ourselves permission not hold back, to trust our intuition, to trust the goodness of creativity (life) to lead us where we need to go. When moving from this bigger place every image, dot, line, gesture of color is a gift leading us to a greater intimacy and freedom within.

LEFT WITH EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME

1/26/2016

I just officially finished. What an amazing journey I had with this one. I bow to the creative process as a way to access the love and sacredness of the present moment so fully that the love cracks everything open and you are everything and nothing at the same time.

January 20th, 2016

1/20/2016

December 31st, 1969

1/20/2016

HOW i FOUND inTUITIVE pAINTING AND HOW IT HEALED ME

11/11/2015

I was an intensely creative child, teen and adult but I had some thoughts in my head (like so many of us do) from a pretty young age that really capped my self expression. I won't go into why or how these thoughts got internalized in me but I will say that they were quite mean and paralyzing when it came to creating, living and just being.

But I managed and moved through life and did the best I could like we all do.
About 9 years ago I was doing great and lots of things in my life were coming together. It was my first year living in Asheville. I had a good job and was excited to have changed careers and be entering massage school. I had overcome some chronic health and addiction issues and was feeling on top of my game.

Then half way through massage school I got very ill with a rare auto-immune disease. I had a total breakdown physically and mentally. I had to quit my job and school. I became even more sensitive than I already was. My body became allergic to the sun and my skin became extremely thin and would tear and break out in huge blisters. I became very light sensitive and had incredibly painful migraines. I could barely function and thought I might end up in a mental institution.
I had a great desire to end my suffering through leaving the planet. And would comfort myself by imagining dying. It was definitely a dark night of the soul experience.

During this time I started to imagine painting. I noticed that just imagining painting really comforted me and was a reprieve from my other less positive imaginings. I started to feel some hope and like I was being led to something that would help me. One thing led to another and I found my way to a three day process painting workshop from an organization called The Painting Experience where I received a full scholarship to go. It was there that I painted a painting that changed my life. This painting met me in my deep sorrow like nothing else had. I felt so relieved to find a way to move through what was going on inside of me.

This was the beginning of my love affair with process or intuitive painting. It unleashed such a creative force in me and gave me a place to meet all parts of myself not just the happy or socially acceptable ones. I started to integrate the polarities in myself and be with what had seemed unbearable before.

The intimacy that I could experience with myself and all of life through painting was amazing. I felt like I had come home to the deepest part of myself. Painting gave me an outlet to be with and explore what it is to be human in a safe and connected way. I felt held by something bigger when I would paint. And that something allowed me to meet myself instead of running away. And in the meeting came an incredible freedom and delight in creative exploration. This delight started to carry over into my life (the biggest painting of all) in a big way.

And this delight is still moving through me in all areas of life. Painting has given me this incredible curiosity and anticipation for stepping into the unknown of a blank canvas and the unknown of my every day life. The painting process has taught me how to say yes and keep opening even when I hit something in myself that is uncomfortable.

And here I am today helping others activate this delight by facilitating intuitive painting classes and workshops. I see this work/play as the sweetest path for coming home to self - home to love. It is my greatest gift to see others delight and transform as they meet themselves so fully. Engaging our inherent creativity opens up so much space and potentiality in our beings and in our lives. Give yourself the gift of creative exploration this week!

leaning in instead of pushing away

8/6/2015

I recently had a family member who saw some of my paintings feel very concerned about me. The snakes and intensity of some of the paintings was disturbing to her.

It's funny how the mind has so many labels of what is good and what is bad and snakes fall under the bad category. But what I love about the painting process is that it challenges me to go beyond the small minds interpretation of life. When I can let go of the mind's stories and judgments in a painting then I am free. Free to just lean into the experience. Free to let go of resistance and just trust the creative process. Free to let snakes or whatever else wants to come into the painting. I move beyond my personal preferences to allow a greater wholeness to move through me. What I have found is that my creativity has an incredible intelligence and all the images that are given to me in the creative process are for my greater good. Even though at times they may feel scary or embarrassing. I have learned that if I can detach from the minds incredible judgements about everything and just keep painting that something amazing happens.

Healing our ancestral lineage through PAINTING

7/29/2015

Creative Intelligence has lead me to explore painting my Grandmother. Once I started by the second painting my mother and I were coming into the paintings also. It has been so rewarding I can hardly believe the great shift of consciousness this exploration has produced in me. I feel so loved and supported by my Mother and Grandmother in a way I really couldn't access before.

Creative Intelligence leads one to a greater and greater love. We stop taking ourselves so personally and get to step outside of story and conditioning to really feel into the truth of life. Creativity is a roter rooter always taking us just where we need to go to be more free and in harmony with a the bigger truth of life.

PAINTING THE FACE OF ADDICTION

4/12/2015

One of the reasons I am so passionate about teaching and doing Intuitive Painting is that I have seen it help me and many others meet and be with some of the most difficult places in the human psyche.
We all have our painful places that we run from in some form or fashion.
It is the pushing away that causes so much suffering. When we can meet these energies of fear, grief or rage head on with vulnerability, curiosity and willingness to bring them in even closer they get to be integrated back into our Wholeness. This is truly an act of surrender. We allow life to flow through us.

Intuitive Painting is a great catalyst for allowing this life force energy to move. It gives us the ability to inhabit the present moment while exploring and fully expressing what is alive within us. Creativity is a benevolent force and will never give us more than we can handle. It is connected to the whole and moves from a great wisdom that the mind can’t begin to fathom. As we surrender to the creative process and allow images, colors, and shapes to be birthed onto our paper the freer we feel. Energy opens in our paintings and in our bodies. We start to paint from a bigger Universal place and not the separate small self. We feel and paint simultaneously. Insight and Aha moments, and great love are experienced. We feel connected to the Whole of Existence.
I always say to my students "Your painting doesn't need you to like it. It just needs you to keep moving."
Life is just like that. It doesn't need you to like it. It just needs you to keep letting it move through. To keep saying yes.

Like the great poet Rilke wrote in his poem called
"Give Me Your Hand"

Go to the ends of your longing
Flare up like flame
Make big shadows I can move in
Let everything happen to you
Beauty and Terror
No feeling is final
Just Keep Moving

Randy

1/28/2015

Today is Father's day and I find myself thinking about my step father of 34 years Randy Tassler who passed away close to two years ago. This painting was done just before he passed. When he died and was dying I painted him a great deal. He still comes in my paintings from time to time.Painting him helped me feel intimately connected to him in a way I had never felt before and still does when he comes into a painting.

We had a challenging relationship most of my life but in the last few years of his life there was a softening in both of us and we started to really enjoy each other. It's funny that I can feel so connected to him now when I spent so many years pushing that connection away in our relationship . I see now that he and I had so many similarities that I didn't want to see before.

This painting was such a rich journey but what stands out to me about it most was when I was painting his heart I felt how much he truly loved my mother. He always had such a great respect and desire to protect her. I am grateful that I got to witness that all those years.

Happy Father's Day Randy! Thanks for being my step father.

Saying Yes in the new Year!

1/6/2015

Hello Lovely People,
It is my great pleasure to be on the other side of end of 2014. At the holidays I have a history of bumping into all the parts of me that want to say no to life. Something about this time of year really brings it on for me. So in anticipation of this I signed up for a 7 day Silent Retreat to force myself to meet these energies without checking out in my usual Christmas time ways.

So for 7 days along with 20 others I was silent. The majority of the days were spent in sitting meditation and walking meditation. The first meditation of the day started at 6:30am and the last ended at 9:45pm. I got to see all my mind's thinking without having any distractions from it. Thinking, thinking , thinking , and more thinking. I became aware of how mean my thoughts toward myself can be and how much suffering they can cause me. I got to learn about practicing loving kindness toward myself and making friends with my inner demons, meaning those parts and places within me that I judge as unacceptable or wrong. I made friends with my migraines, with my feelings of inadequacy and shame, my ancient thoughts of being unsafe and trapped, and with my anger toward having to be human and in community with others. Yes I definitely have a rich shadow side to say the least. But l gleaned on a deeper level what I always learn from painting which is that I am, we are, everything: the dark, the light, the up the down, the you the me, the destruction, the re-birth, the fear, the courage, etc.
I realized that I can love myself just fine when I'm feeling light and love and connected to the whole but when the darker colors of the spectrum are up for me I really withhold love from myself and feel unworthy of receiving it. This contraction of course causes great suffering and leads to unhealthy cycles of trying to escape the feelings (caused by the judgmental thoughts).

Ahh the suffering that is created simply from not accepting whole heartedly what is. This is true in our life and this is true in our paintings. One of my teachers likes to say that the small will always argues with what is, while the heart's will always communes with it. Intuitive Painting like mediation is a path to liberation. In the painting process just like meditation we get intimately acquainted with the habitual thought forms that stop our flow or shut us down. In painting as well as meditation we learn to connect with ourselves as pure awareness where in the stillness and intimacy of silence or painting, time ceases and we are empty vessels. Like I always say "we paint until the painter disappears".
In Goodness,
Kaylina

intuitive painting as a path to peace

11/4/2013

These are intense times that we are living in. We are being asked to face every fear and disharmony in our beings head on. I have found that if I can just be present with what is, without checking out in distraction, addictions or any numbing behavior then all that is not in harmony with me can be made harmonious. But it really requires leaning into the discomfort as opposed to running away from it.

What I love so much about this method of Intuitive Painting that I practice and teach is that it gives me the ability to be with intense energies that I experience sometimes daily. Be it fear, passion, excitement, grief or anger my brush combined with paint can handle it. And not only handle it but transform it into something beautiful and rich. And when I say beautiful I don’t mean a beautiful painting. I mean a beautiful place inside myself. A place in me that can hold all the duality of life. What happens is that Creativity opens the door for me to combine with the whole of life and see that every thing is ok– it’s all just energy.

It takes my personal dilemmas and turns them into this universal human experience. And then it is not all about me and my little mind’s interpretation of my life. It is about LIFE and being connected to the whole of it. I see that I am not alone. I am just letting the river of life flow through me one day at a time. Painting gives all the intensity a place to exist without judgement. Instead of me trying to make it all go away I have an outlet for self-expression that then opens me up to my Spiritual Essence. And from this place I can breathe and be fully in the present moment with what is.

What is Intuitive Process Painting?

8/12/2013

Intuitive Process Painting is painting without limits. We are all inherently creative and long to create. But often we are taught that in order to be creative we must have some sort of skill or talent that produces something good enough to be called “Art”. This belief can cause one to be too afraid to explore the creative process even though deep down their soul yearns to express itself.

Intuitive Process Painting is about reconnecting with that pure, authentic and creative urge without judgment. The goal of the process is to follow what is alive in you, trust your intuition, and explore/experiment with freedom. This is not about creating a pretty picture or a “work of art” to hang on the wall. It is about enjoying the journey of creative exploration through painting.

Through painting we travel the vast landscape of our inner worlds. Where everything is possible and nothing has to make sense. We get to see where we censor ourselves, stop our flow, and say no to life impulse bursting through us. The thought forms that thwart our flow in a painting are the same ones that thwart our flow in our life.

Creativity is a benevolent process that always leads us where we need to go for greater freedom and healing. What ever we are experiencing: delight, doubt, anger, happiness, sadness or fear the brush can handle it. Our challenge is to just relax into the unfolding and enjoy the exhilarating ride.

Kaylina Michaela founded Sacred Space Painting, Asheville’s Intuitive Painting Studio.

She offers bi-monthly workshops and ongoing weekly classes in Intuitive Process Painting. Please visit her website at www.sacredspacepainting.com or call her for more information, 828-252-4828.

What are the benefits of Intuitive process Painting?

1/11/2013

Benefits of Intuitive Process Painting:

Promotes liveliness, passion, inspiration and play.
Helps one get in touch with their authentic voice as a person and an artist.

Unleashes lots of juicy creativity!
Helps one move through creative blocks.
Gives one beautiful insights into life. Just through the act of painting what wants to come a person can have deep and profound aha moments.

Helps one embrace their rich shadow along with the all their glorious light.
Helps free one from their perfectionism.
Enables one to be fully in the present moment.
And lastly on a personal note, my mind and spirit are rejuvenated by being immersed in all these wonderful colors. When I close my eyes now I see colors moving through me and others. I am filled with jubilant, healing color. I believe that this is a result of being immersed in the creative process. It is a gift!

Author

Kaylina Michaela is a lover of spontaneous expression. She believes the Great Mystery flows best through us spontaneously before we have time to think about it.

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"Painting must continue until the disappearance of the painter." Michele Cassou