My painting process this week was very powerful. Black and red beings had come into my painting. I was in the middle of two of them in the beginning of the painting. You can't see that part because the painting is 30 feet long. At first I called them creatures of belligerence. I had been working with stuck energy in my body and I saw these creatures as familial dark energy that was in my family for generations. The painting was uncomfortable and hard to stay with. I wanted to be done many times. My teacher just kept encouraging me to paint more black and red creatures. I did not want to but I have learned to trust her direction and be curious when I want out of a painting. She asked me how many I saw and I got a sense of legions of these dark beings. I had a story going of their negativity and was feeling saddened by all the darkness. So I kept adding paper to my painting and painting more and more of them. She would not sign off that I could be finished.
Eventually they started getting bigger and bigger until one took up a whole page. This is the one that cracked something open in me. I felt such a deep sense of intimacy with this creature. It’s eyes felt so expressive and caring. My teacher said that this was the one I had been waiting for. All the story dropped and I felt a deep connection with myself, this being and all of creation. I made deeper contact by just making red dots on the creatures face. It felt like I was exploring it’s pores. I could feel it breathing through it’s skin and nose.
This creature felt and still feels so powerful. Like a fierce but incredibly loving energy. I felt so held and cared for in the contact. The last thing I painted on him were little like red and gold hairs coming out of his pores. I felt the movement and aliveness of them. It felt like true power- a good and loving power. I could feel it awakening so much in me. I was painting me. The creature and I were at one. The creature feels so powerful because it is does not have to hold back it’s power. I had this refreshing sense that all of it was allowed. It is so big and black and red and gold. The words right use of power kept coming to me.
Eventually they started getting bigger and bigger until one took up a whole page. This is the one that cracked something open in me. I felt such a deep sense of intimacy with this creature. It’s eyes felt so expressive and caring. My teacher said that this was the one I had been waiting for. All the story dropped and I felt a deep connection with myself, this being and all of creation. I made deeper contact by just making red dots on the creatures face. It felt like I was exploring it’s pores. I could feel it breathing through it’s skin and nose.
This creature felt and still feels so powerful. Like a fierce but incredibly loving energy. I felt so held and cared for in the contact. The last thing I painted on him were little like red and gold hairs coming out of his pores. I felt the movement and aliveness of them. It felt like true power- a good and loving power. I could feel it awakening so much in me. I was painting me. The creature and I were at one. The creature feels so powerful because it is does not have to hold back it’s power. I had this refreshing sense that all of it was allowed. It is so big and black and red and gold. The words right use of power kept coming to me.
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